I'm sitting at a dining room table at 10:30 am on Sunday in an AirBnB apartment that I booked in Lake Placid, NY….I've had the room for 3 days and considered the decision an "investment," as I would be able to sit and enjoy some solitude with my own space to really sit, sort photos, and write. I did this in bits and pieces throughout the days…but nowhere near as I expected. I'm in a zone right now, and it's 10:30…with a check out time of 12pm. Go figure.
Focus…focus is still something that I struggle with. Mainly what distracted me was where to head next, where we'll be staying, where we'll be exploring, the best way to share it with others, the best apps for finding trails and camping, and of course, how to sustain the journey.
Every so often, I am hit with a wave of clarity. If only that wave could be more constant. At the current moment, the heart is still and the soul is happy at the reminder that it's okay that I didn't get as much done during these few days as I wanted. Bella and I still Lived and Loved. We got to get out and explore more of this beautiful region of the Adirondacks. So much, in fact, that we could easily stay longer. The photos that we have shared have been enough to inspire countless people and that's what we have set out to do. We have done "enough" here, and now we will continue to move on and see more of this great country, and share it with others.
I'm still working on building my website and posting more blogs on there rather than simply sharing on social media. As I do so, I am being cognizant not to do so out of an egotistical "look at me" manner, but along the lines of "I would like to continue to explore, share, inspire and hopefully earn some income to be able to continue to do so." I don't believe that's an unreasonable method of thinking, and I know plenty of people have reached out to see how they can help. I've been researching a bit on how to submit to magazines or gain sponsors to help us along the way. I've also been looking for places and people to be around to help encourage the traveling/photographing bug that has its grasp on me. Building followers on social media seems to be a worthy selling point and great for networking, but as I said before, I still need to focus before I can do anything.
When trying to focus…I believe that without knowing WHAT to focus on…one can't expect to have any. Again, the wave of clarity is still present and as I embrace it I can see the truth of what I want. If you've made it this far in my reading, what I'm about to say next is the most important part. I want…to be authentic. I want to be genuine. I want to be me. I want to be the best me. This is why I am having such a hard time going back to any type of work that puts me in a uniform, or has me put on a face to sell something or be cordial to an entitled customer, even getting into a gym without feeling like its all just an overt act of narcism.
I want to continue to travel and see the world, meet her people, take awe in her incredible geographical playgrounds, see the amazing creatures that make this planet so full of life. That's who I am, that's who I want to continue to be. I should not be ashamed of this, nor think it impossible.
So…how do I do all of those things? Well…it's a grand idea, perhaps a wishful dream, but I believe that if I focus on being authentic and continuing to refuse to trade that for a corporate paycheck that it has a true chance.
Now that I've deduced all of these things down to being authentic, the next step is "how?" It's much easier said than done in a world that separates and segregates via categorization. Titles, Races, Religions, Nationality. How can I simply be a compassionate human on this earth? That's where the beauty of Bella comes in. With her, I am me. I am the best me that I know when I am focused on caring for her and giving her the best life that I know how. There's a quote somewhere along the lines of "We find ourselves through service to others." I felt this while doing volunteer disaster relief operations, but was so focused outwardly that I was neglecting to serve those closest to me, let alone myself and found myself unemployed, divorced, and near homeless. Through focusing on serving Bella during her last months, I will continue to serve myself by being my best self. I do not need to put on a face with her, and authenticity takes no effort.
Through doing this…is how my writing comes from the heart, from the soul, rather than from a way of selling it in hopes to be somehow noticed and picked up by a publisher of some sort. If I continue to write and share authentically, perhaps that will come, but if I try to force it, to rush it before I'm ready…I may lose the very thing that I'm trying to hold onto.
Lastly, as it is nearing 11:30, I want to leave you with something important before I finish this post and pack up my gear for the next destination. I want you to know that in reading this, you are reading the words of a man who often times seems to be lost and cold, caught up in fog of failed dreams when visions of seeing the world seem to be nothing more than a far off fantasy. Right now, I am not in that fog…I am not lost…right now, my vision is clear, the dream is alive, and so am I. This…is why I am here.
Now join Bella and I as we continue to get outside…and Live.
